Thursday, October 29, 2009

Which Walla Walla Washington Wine for the Wicked Witches?

I love scary stories, don’t you? Hold onto your seats because this is the scariest Halloween story you will ever hear.

Once upon a time in a little town called Walla Walla there were a coven of four witches by the names of Grand Cru-ella, Claretta, Uvaggio, and Mog. All Hallows Eve was just around the corner, so they decided to plan a soiree to celebrate. Of course, if you are a witch you don’t need to hire a caterer or a sommelier to handle such a grand party, because all you have to do is wrinkle your nose or cast a spell and voila - dinner and wine is served! But their wine spells still needed some guidance. As the coven gathered drinking River of Skulls - 2007, from Twisted Oak Winery out of their tea cups (so their neighbors wouldn't see them drinking a California wine), Grand Cru-ella, the head witch lead the discussion on which Walla Walla wine would pair with what wicked witchy entree.

“Now Sisters, here is the menu with the six courses that Sister Claretta chose for our All Hallows Eve Soiree. I will read each course aloud and together we will cast a spell for the magic sommelier to choose the appropriate wine” said Grand Cru-ella. "And note, there will be no white or pink wines. The only wines to be served will be the color of blood red."

Claretta, was a sophisticated witch from England. She had wine and dined with the finest royalty for centuries, while Uvaggio was still locked into the 80's and only drank California Chardonnay. And then there was poor little Mog. She was just a silly little witch who typically during these food and wine pairing discussions would talk about any "material other than grapes."

"We will start our evening with an amuse-bouche of clown's tongue on a skewer. We thought the clown wasn't very funny, but perhaps he will amuse us now." said Grand Cru-ella. "Now Witches, which wicked Walla Walla Washington wine?"

And together the little coven sang their spell, "Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla, bing bang!"

"POOF!" Sleight of Hand Cellars The Spellbinder - 2007 appeared! An aromatic blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, and Sangiovese.

"Next on our menu is a light offering of fresh flesh of sea beast on wafers with an O- blood drizzle," Grand Cru-ella said.

And together the little coven sang their spell, "Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla, bing bang!"

"POOF!" Thirsty Pagans Communion Red - 2005 appeared! A great every day sipping wine that is produced with a screw cap.

"For our third course, it will be a little heavier. Broiled Hansel and Gretel in a mole gingerbread sauce. Now mind you, not a chocolate mole' sauce, but a sauce actually made from moles," Grand Cru-ella pointed out with her gnarled finger.

And once again, the little coven sang their spell, "Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla, bing bang!"

"POOF!" L'Ecole No#41 Recess Red - 2007 appeared! An affordable and tasty red blend from an award winning winery. Claretta was particularly happy with that choice as the winery was once an old school house filled with tender young children. She so enjoyed pâté de pupils on pumpernickel.

"Sisters, our fourth course is very special." Grand Cru-ella said with delight in her voice. "We are celebrating the other planets around us. Remember Uvaggio when we visited Mars and you came back with that new hairdo? We'll celebrate with sauteed toadstools over risoto spoiled by weevils and sprinkled with moon dust."

And again with anticipation the cackling group of crones sang, "Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla, bing bang!"

"POOF!" A bottle of SYZYGY SAROS 139 - 2006! A unique and elegant blend of Malbec, Tempranillo and Cabernet Sauvignon.

"We're going to do another plate in celebration of the sky," said Grand Cru-ella. "I love flying on a starry night. Our fifth course will be a tribute to flight. I particularly chose roasted wing of bat, but will accent the wing with eye of Newt Gingrich and a mossy lichen salad."

"Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla, bing bang!"

"POOF!" A bottle of Five Star Cellars Walla Walla Valley Merlot - 2006 appeared! A quality merlot produced with quality fruit from the valley.

"Sisters, now we are finally at the end of our menu - our sixth and last course. It is a grand course. A course that is not only worthy of one fine wine in all of Walla Walla, but two wines! We are serving the curls of Dorothy and her little dog, ToTo, too! The curls will be served in ruby red slippers used by female impersonators from San Francisco," Grand Cru-ella chirped with such enthusiasm.

"Sisters, this is a course so fine, we are not relying on magic. Sister Claretta and I have relied on our fine palates for the choice of these two wines!" Grand Cru-ella hauntily said. "We are announcing that our sixth and last course will be paired with a Leonetti Cellar Cabernet Sauvignon Reserve - 2006 and a Cayuse Vineyards Armada Syrah - 2005!"

"Oooooo!" the wicked Walla Walla Witches awed.

"Sisters, you remember Bob Parker, don't you?" said Claretta. "Remember when he sold us his soul in exchange to grow him a new tongue after our Sister Alice in California removed it in her brave effort to save the world from him? Well, Bob gave both of these fine wines excellent ratings in the past. He has given Leonetti Cabernet Reserve 97 points for past 2003, 2004, 2005 vintages and for Cayuse Armada Syrah 98 points for the 2004 vintage and 99 points for the 2003!

Finally Mog spoke up. "But Sister Claretta, I was just down in the wine cellar foraging for a breakfast of spiders and I didn't see one bottle of Leonetti or Cayuse in the cellar."

"Oh don't be silly Mog. We have magic," interrupted Uvaggio as she quit chugging the Chardonnay from the bottle she had hidden under the table and sneered down at Mog. "I can get us any wine anytime we want. I have connections. I know people. Now gather 'round sisters so we can cast this spell. It's Witch Wine O'Clock and there's a glass of Chardonnay waiting for me at the Walla Walla Warlock Club."

"Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla, bing bang!" the witches chanted!

"POOF! BOING!" All of a sudden the bottles turned into shadowy forms! And just as Grand Cru-ella tried to grab for the shadows of the Leonetti and Cayuse bottles, the bottles slowly faded and then, "POOF!" Disappeared!

Once again the witches cast their spell, "Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla, bing bang!"

"BOING! BOING! BOING!" Nothing! The spell didn't work. There were no bottles of Leonetti or Cayuse wine.

Claretta shrieked to Grand Cru-ella, "Sister Cru-ella! What are we going to do? Why can't we keep the spell on those bottles of wine? Our All Hallows Eve Soiree will be ruined! What will our guests think? How will we ever keep up with Lord and Lady MacBeth?"

All of a sudden the room shook and the lit candles dimmed. The wind began to switch - the house to pitch - and suddenly the hinges started to - unhitch! Then a huge booming terrifying voice from the ground groaned and bellowed! It was the most terrifying and most ghastliest sound one could ever imagine! GASP!

"The waiting lists of Cayuse Vineyards and Leonetti Cellars are currently full. If you would like to placed on the "Waiting Lists" for their waiting lists, please contact us by snail mail because even if you send us an email or fax to speed things up, your current wait will still be 5-8 years. Thank you for your patience and have a nice day!"

The End.


Anonymous said...

That was a frightening story! Thanks for the scare! I had a nightmare that everyone started speaking in double after consuming all the Walla Walla wine in town. Oh Oh! bye bye

Unknown said...

Fun story - I recognize a few of the labels from our 2008 trip to Walla Walla.


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